Sometimes life takes a turn that you really didn't expect, yet you knew the risk was there. It is devastating to say the least after we have placed all our ducks in a row thinking them safe, and then all of a sudden we see them being picked off one after the other. Many times I feel I've lived much too long and I want all this to end, that I've experienced more than I should have, mostly by my own hand and again, with devastating results.
A heart and soul is nothing to be toyed with, yet we do it all the time. We may not think we are toying with them, but when we look back and see the aftermath and all the destruction we left behind, there can be no doubt about it.
I'm tired of my weaknesses. I'm tired of hurting my neighbors. I'm tired of struggling to be someone I know I'm not while waiting to be made into the person that I am called to be. I'm tired of justifying my own sinfulness while judging others of their sin. I'm tired of feeling things that should not dwell within me, yet they take up residence within my own soul. I'm just so tired of disappointing God and those I hold dear to my heart.